When Self-Compassion feels Impossible

Many of the people I work with come into therapy already familiar with self-compassion practices. They’ve read the books, tried the meditations, repeated the affirmations—yet despite all their efforts, they still don’t feel much relief. If this sounds like you, please know: this isn’t because you’re doing it wrong or because you’re somehow incapable. More often, it’s a sign that your system is protecting itself. Parts of you may be resisting, old trauma responses might be active, or protective patterns are stepping in to keep you safe in the only way they know how.

For those who’ve experienced complex trauma, self-compassion can feel almost impossible. You might genuinely want to be kinder to yourself, but the moment you try, another part of you interrupts: a critical voice saying you don’t deserve it, a protector warning that it’s unsafe to be vulnerable, or a fear that caring for yourself is selfish. These reactions can feel discouraging or even shameful, but they’re not personal failings. They’re trauma responses—your system’s way of trying to protect you from pain.

One of the most common stuck places I see in this work is the battle between different parts of the system. Often, one part deeply wants access to compassion—it knows the practices, it understands the benefits, and it’s eager to finally feel relief. At the very same time, another part might resist with everything it has, convinced that compassion is unsafe, foolish, or dangerous. This polarity can feel exhausting: one part pushing forward, another pulling back. If you’ve ever felt like you’re fighting with yourself just to offer a little care, you’re not alone. This is a normal and expected dynamic in trauma healing.

This is an area very close to my heart, and one I’ve spent years supporting clients through. So many of the people I work with are thoughtful, capable, and deeply self-aware—yet they feel stuck in these internal conflicts. In our work together, I help you slow down and notice what happens in your system the moment you reach for self-compassion. We gently explore which parts push back, what they’re afraid of, and what their intentions might be. Often, these protective parts are simply trying to keep you safe in ways that once made sense.

One of the most powerful shifts comes not from forcing compassion, but from offering acknowledgment to the very parts that resist it. Instead of battling with your inner critic or protector, you might pause and say something like, “I see you. I understand you’re trying to protect me. I’m here with you.” Over time, this simple recognition can soften the resistance and make space for self-compassion to feel possible—sometimes for the very first time.

Therapy offers a guided, supportive space to practice this. With experience in navigating these complex internal landscapes, I help clients find pathways into self-compassion that honor every part of their system, not just the ones that want healing the most. The process is gentle, gradual, and deeply validating. And with time, it creates a foundation for healing, resilience, and the ability to meet yourself with more care and ease.

If this resonates, I invite you to connect. Together, we can explore how to work with the parts of you that resist compassion and gently open the door toward a kinder, more integrated relationship with yourself.